Monday, October 19, 2009

But I'm Already Gone

I wanna let go.

I cant wait any longer to let go. I need to move on and get myself out of the very complicated situation. I know I deserve to be happy with someone who wouldnt hurt me. Someone who would think twice before doing something wrong. Someone who would complete me and love me just the way I am.

After all, who wants to be with a bitch like me?

I'm stubborn, I nag and I imprison someone I love, but is it ever an excuse for him to hurt me this way? For him to find someone while telling in my eye that he loves me? For pulling me back everytime I had enough?

I know I deserve better. I have been fighting for something better since the day I was born. I broke up my Tita and her her boyfriend because I dont think he deserves her. She was almost perfect, intelligent, she took care of me when my Mom worked at Manila but then I didnt want her boyfriend because I dont think he deserved to be with our family. And she listened to a seven year old about relationships. Somehow in the end, she is happy with her husband. I know that there isnt something perfect. Perfect exists in fairy tales. Prince Charmings are the only perfect gentlemen in the world. We are living in the real thing. But somehow, there is something better, there will always be something better.

And so I quote Enchanted, How does she know you love her?

- He'll leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind
- Send you yellow flowers when the sky is grey
- Well does he take you out dancin' just so he can hold you close?
- Dedicate a song with words in just for you

Anyone perfect or not can do that. So I am determined to let this go. No matter how it might have gotten, no matter how beautiful the three years we've spent together. I needed to love myself first. And I needed someone who would really complete me, and not blame me for his infidelity.

I will be okay, because my life will go on. And because I'm proof enough that I will survive, not broken but better every single day. :)

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