Monday, November 08, 2010

When He goes to test you faith...

All you have to do is pray, believe that everything will be okay, and commend yourself to Him.

I have been through five stages of grief for the whole day. I denied, I was angry, I bargained, I was depressed, and until finally, I accepted that things happen for a reason.

The first time I lost a loved one was when my grandmother was taken away by cancer. I kept on telling everyone that she is healthy, she doesnt have vices, but then, it had to happen. It kept for two years with the grief, but then I had to accept the fact that she will be much better if she leaves, than get hurt all over.
Last Saturday, Jeff and Mench went to The Medical City with me because I have been having difficulties with my body. What seems normal for most women, is not normal for me, for a month. I was making excuses for so many days but when Jeff was pitying me during our Baguio trip because I was struggling with the most painful cramps I ever had in my life, they were all backing me up to have myself checked for something.

True enough, my doctor was already feeling something just by looking at me. So I had to take a test to know the real score. And there was it. Something that I will forever have in me. Something not yet curable but manageable.

For now, I have to (as Jeff and Mench said) change my lifestyle. I can't binge that much or try to get so much stress. I need to lose weight so diabetes would not trigger, worse case scenario, develop cancer. I need to regulate my periods too, or I wouldnt be able to have a baby in the future. And I guess all that got me so frustrated that I questioned God about it.

You see, if you have been reading my posts before, I have been through A LOT. I got through the mind-blowing heartache, I got through knowing the most painful truth, made that truth work out in the end and all that. Then I told Jeff about it and as expected, he was very disappointed that I am questioning these trials.
But the good thing was, my boyfriend's right. If I allow to lose myself in something not yet serious, then my faith isnt that strong. And even after I have been through those things, I should be more wary that God is giving another trial for me to solve and get out alive. To think of it, I was scared of having cancer before going to the hospital, at least what was going on with me is still manageable. Plus I have my friends and Jeff with me. I know I couldnt ask for anything more. :)

So now, I am determined to do everything the doctor says. Boyfriend is very helpful in controlling me gain weight. He even said that we'll get through this together. Honestly, I was afraid of him leaving when I think about not having babies someday. Then he assured that it will never happen. And Im also thankful to Mench because she now does control the food that I eat. Yikes. :P

There's always a rainbow after the storm ends. And because I know my future will be super bright, I guess I should start now. I'm staying positive about this. I know, because God is always there for me. Storm or no storm ahead :)

3 comments:

  1. Aww I felt that way before. But you see God won't give you trial that you cannot overcome. He gave you those problem because He knows and trust your will and faith in Him that you can overcome this. Never lose hope. God is good and He listens to those who ask for his help sincerely. And lastly, always lift everything unto Him. :) I hope you will be fine, I will pray for you.

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  2. Thanks chicafabulosa! :) I need all the prayers I could get. Hopefully, I'd be okay. But fot now, all I have to do is what the doctor ordered and have faith. :)

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  3. Yes just claim to God that you are healed. Nothing is impossible with him :)

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