im lovin' it!

Here We Go Again..

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:01:00 +0000

I have that song blaring in my head all week.

I was trying to get over him. I was walking away and the traces of my footsteps were nowhere to be found, but then one call. One phonecall changed everything. I dont know what will happen next, but I'll let God lead me to the path where I am needed the most.

Ze Guy Friend called me last night. He said he was drinking. No, not because of me ha. :P He's trying to get some sleep daw. And because we havent talked for days, except for a text, he decided to call my number. He said that he saw our Manila Autoshow pictures and asked me why I didnt bother to tell him so he could go with me. I just answered that its me and my ex's thing. A flat out answer. I'm not sure if he was taken aback, but since he was so busy that week, I didnt invite him. Not that I want to, but I need him to man up if he really wants to go with me. I want him to do the asking. But anyway, he was nice last night that I didnt dare question when he said he missed talking to me and hearing my voice. Hahaha!

*******************************

Now Im confused. Im confused because someone is asking to get back into my heart. The heart I tried closing. But Im okay. I'm happy for now. I can finally clear things to him and not argue like cats and dogs. I dont know what would happen, but I can only hope for the best. :)

And yeah, I still feel the same way, even after three years have already passed. I just hope I can be truly happy. With no more pain and ache. No more pricking in my heart but pure bliss. :)

Holy Whoop!

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:53:00 +0000

Okay, so ze guy friend texted me yesterday telling me that he's on the way home from Baclaran because he prayed the rosary there. Is this another sign? Is this what the tarot card reader meant about someone who's gonna be so good for me? I mean, seriously, I couldnt find someone like that anymore. Or it would be SO RARE.

But again, he's so like me! Someone who will go to every church there is possible. Very freaky. At first, I thought he was cocky, like some other guys I know, but then he proved me wrong. And its so important for me that a guy is faithful to his religion, but this, is so beyond. Really. And its making me so happy. Plus, when my Mom and I fought the other night, he didn't consider my side. He just said that I should reconcile with her and just do whatever I'm told. Good boy much? :P See? When God closes a door, He definitely opens a bigger door. But I don't wanna jinx it yet. Let's see how the plot thickens. hahaha.

Career-wise, my regularization is up already. Hence, more benefits for me! Yay! And definitely bigger opportunities for me. Good move.

I am finally realizing that I am reaping all the benefits now. Maybe moving forward is the best decision ever. Yes, I may be single for now, but I am definitely luckier. My December may be a little sad because I feel as if I lost a family, but then, I am surrounded by friends and a possible love life, so I am all set. And next year, it will definitely be a better and bigger one. :) God is really, oh, so good to me. :)

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Speaking of Christmas, I am just so psyched for this one! Maybe because there are so many blessings that are definitely pouring. That sometimes, its so overwhelming already. But in my case, its a good thing. Really, really. hehehe

I have to start on my Christmas shopping already! I booked Malyn to go with me next time. Hehehe. I need a woman's perspective from now on. :P

Ciao everyone! :)

Irreplaceable

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:21:00 +0000

To the left, to the left
To the left, to the left
To the left, to the left

Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that's my stuff, yes
If I bought it please don't touch

And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time?
And it's my mine name that is on that tag
So remove your bags let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be here in a minute, baby

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So go ahead and get gone
And call up that chick and see if she's home
Oops, I bet ya thought that I didn't know
What did you think I was putting you out for?

Because you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby you dropped them keys
Hurry up before your taxi leaves

Standing in the front yard telling me
How I am such a fool, talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be here in a minute, baby

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I'll have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

So since I'm not your everything
How about I'll be nothing, nothing at all to you
Baby I won't shed a tear for you, I won't lose a wink of sleep
'Cause the truth of the matter is replacing you is so easy

To the left, to the left
To the left, to the left
To the left, to the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
To the left, to the left
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be here in a minute, baby

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking, baby

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you in a minute
Matter fact he'll be here in a minute

You could pack all your things, we're finished
(You must not know 'bout me)
'Cause you made your bed, now lay in it
(You must not know 'bout me)
I can have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

---- Can I just say that this is my song?!? Go B! :)

Freedom, and rising from the ashes

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:28:00 +0000

How do you know when youre finally free?

--- It's when you can finally get whatever you want without someone pounding you head for questions that you don't even wanna ask yourself. Its also when you think you want something but you cant ask for everyone else's approval that it makes you wonder more how your decision will bring you to your destination.

Went out with ZE GUY FRIEND last Monday. Well, we werent actually supposed to meet because of conflicting schedules, but then, Mench challenged me (or him) if he could actually be there when I say so. You see, first impressions last to me. No, it actually matters about 60% to me. :P

So there he was, all dolled up because he just rushed to go there from work. He had this huge bag which Mench religiously mocked. His face hasnt changed. He still is the same person I met three years ago. He's still serious but never fails to make me feel ilang whenever he stares at me. And he's still the same touchy-feely person that will make you feel as if youve never created distance.

...But he was me. And I am him...Personality-wise.

I actually am freaked out whenever I find someone who's very similar to me. Miss Cherry, or Mench for example. All of us are so brutally frank, gets to be a bitch when situation calls for it, but so forgiving at the same time. Whenever I see myself in them, I get so jiggly that something in me exists in them.

So I am freaking out because he is the exact version of me. He knows the right buttons to push, he knew how to make me feel better, he makes up the cheesy and sappy lines I always tell myself and he knew how to ride up my stupid jokes. He knows how to comment when I feel bad about myself. Its just too, same.

Or maybe I wasnt used to it because I programmed to grow up, to be mature. Now he says Im not that bubbly anymore. He even said I was too corporate-y now. Gone are the time when we used to go all over WTC and doing that summer job. But if you imagine it, it was a four-day stint. I can't believe he still remembers how I were back then.

So here I am, rising again. And rising above and beyond. Things, as they say, will never be the same again, but my newfound freedom taught me everything there is to know about myself and the people around me. :)

Cause If You Liked It Then You Shouldve Put a Ring On It..

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 09:25:00 +0000

How does it feel to be ENGAGED? Happy.

How does it feel to be not engaged anymore, Devastating.

But all it water under the bridge now. That one time we talked, I gave back the ring. Why? Because it was living proof that I was once, engaged. I was once talking about my future plans. I was once one of those women who loved going to bridal fairs and looking at gowns and imagining my wedding entourage.

Heck, I even managed to grab the bouquet at my best friend's wedding.

Everyone thought I would be next to Maro. They all said because I got the bouquet, maybe I will follow her na rin in a short while. But then this came stumbling my world. One swoop fell into my supposed to be wedding cake, a tall, white but chocolate stuffed inside. My fantasy wedding dress, a white version of Belle's gown in Beauty and the Beast, was swept by a tidal wave. I always knew what I wanted. I just needed the right man to do his job by being faithful and loyal to me, thus, waiting at the aisle.

Now it is all gone. I am back to square one. I am back to finding Mr. Right for me. He doesnt really need to be dashing. He doesnt need to have the wheels to get to me. But he should be loyal, and understanding, and should have the guts to tell me that forever and ever is forever and over and only me.

Now, now, Im not rushing. I am actually relaying everything to God. If he gives me the right person now, I will definitely embrace it. After all, he took my away from the person that He knew didnt suit me. He made him borrow me for a while and when He thought that he couldnt be man enough for me, Lord got me back. And now, I know He is embracing me to go with Him in a beautiful journey. One without sadness and despair. A new beginning with a wonderful life. Because He made me beautiful, so He will bless my soul. :)

*******************************

Tomorrow, the whole department will be leaving for Batulao, Batangas. I am quite excited to see Caleruega, if they permit us to roam around after the activities. Then on Saturday, we'll be going to Tagaytay. My first real outing with my new home. :)

So now, I'll be packing my things first. Good luck to me leaving the house at 4:30 AM. hahah. :P I can do this! LOL.

Goodnyt everyone! Its a rainy evening. Cuddle with your one and only. :)

Just okay.

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:52:00 +0000

I now hate the word "okay".

I want something better. I wanted to strive for something great. Okay is when you wake up from a nightmare and you've known that its just a dream. Okay is when you tripped over something and almost fell, but didn't. That's how I define okay.

Now this feeling, its not even close to good. I'm not sure where to stand right now. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling as if you're the second choice again. Its just okay. Were okay. I just don't know if we'd get close to nice. Or even great.

******************************

Attended the BDJ Fair last Sunday. And it was definitely one of my up and down moments again. The tarot card reader insinuated that we'd never have the chance again. He said that I will be for someone who's ready to settle down, who is more mature and someone who will understand me. I told him that it possesses all his qualities. But then he said that all these will be based on my decision.

The question though, IS THE DECISION STILL WITH ME?

After the series of an Open Bar, I decided to make a call. I decided to do or die. I figured I could say everything under an influence of something. And maybe, I could get the answer I was longing for after the tarot card reader crushed my heart.

He then responded with "Check your Facebook Page, you will know my answer."

I couldn't wait to get home to open my lappie, and there it was, him saying the three words Ive been longing to see again. That something I used to read in my fone every single day after all the hurt started. I wanted to believe them. I nearly died going home to see it because I felt I was breaking all odds just to open his message.

But now, were just okay. Okay and I'm not sure where I'm supposed to lead again. Okay as if an endless cliff should just swallow me whole. Okay that I'm not sure what to feel, where to go and how to answer. I don't know where this should go. Everytime I give up, he just tries to pull me back. But after he pulls me back, I am left nowhere again.

And yes, I'm wasting a lot of sighs.. :(

He Wasn't Man Enough For Me

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:41:00 +0000

Who do you think I am?
Don't you know that he was my man?
But I chose to let him go
So why do you act like I still care about him?
Looking at me like I'm hurt
When I'm the one who said I didn't want it to work
Don't you forget I had him first?

Whatcha' thinking?
Stop blaming me
He wasn't man enough for me
If you don't know now, here's your chance
I've already had your man
Do you wonder just where he's been, yeah
And I'd be worried about him
Now it's time you know the truth
I think he's just the man for you

What are you thinking
Do you know about us back then
Do you know I dumped your husband
Girlfriend,
I'm not thinking 'bout him
But you married him
Do you know I made him leave
Do you know he begged to stay, with me
He wasn't man enough for me

Didn't he tell you the truth
If not, then why don't you ask him
And maybe you could be more into him
Instead of worrying 'bout me
And hopefully, you won't find
All of the reasons why his love didn't count
And why we couldn't work it out

So many reasons why our love is through
What makes you think he'll be good to you
It makes no sense
'Cause he will never change
Girl you better recognize the game

But I'm Already Gone

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:26:00 +0000

I wanna let go.

I cant wait any longer to let go. I need to move on and get myself out of the very complicated situation. I know I deserve to be happy with someone who wouldnt hurt me. Someone who would think twice before doing something wrong. Someone who would complete me and love me just the way I am.

After all, who wants to be with a bitch like me?

I'm stubborn, I nag and I imprison someone I love, but is it ever an excuse for him to hurt me this way? For him to find someone while telling in my eye that he loves me? For pulling me back everytime I had enough?

I know I deserve better. I have been fighting for something better since the day I was born. I broke up my Tita and her her boyfriend because I dont think he deserves her. She was almost perfect, intelligent, she took care of me when my Mom worked at Manila but then I didnt want her boyfriend because I dont think he deserved to be with our family. And she listened to a seven year old about relationships. Somehow in the end, she is happy with her husband. I know that there isnt something perfect. Perfect exists in fairy tales. Prince Charmings are the only perfect gentlemen in the world. We are living in the real thing. But somehow, there is something better, there will always be something better.

And so I quote Enchanted, How does she know you love her?

- He'll leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind
- Send you yellow flowers when the sky is grey
- Well does he take you out dancin' just so he can hold you close?
- Dedicate a song with words in just for you

Anyone perfect or not can do that. So I am determined to let this go. No matter how it might have gotten, no matter how beautiful the three years we've spent together. I needed to love myself first. And I needed someone who would really complete me, and not blame me for his infidelity.

I will be okay, because my life will go on. And because I'm proof enough that I will survive, not broken but better every single day. :)

Beyond the Smiles

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 23:59:00 +0000

I feel like a yoyo. I feel as if Ive been spinned, held up and down. Every inch of my spine is acting as if Im in braces and I have to pin myself at a wall so I could stand again.

Like Ian Wyndham said, how could you love someone so much but still you cant find the answers to make her happy. That even though you tried giving up almost everything just to live your life again, it still isnt enough. Sometimes, I wonder what is.

I have always been so undecisive in how I'm gonna live my life. I have goals which I was getting into action, but fear has always made me stop doing anything. But now, fear is my bestfriend. I had to keep it close so I would learn how to fight. I had to befriend it so I could introduce my other friend, accepting the challenge.

People have asked me where I'm getting the strength to still fight. The thing is, I also surprised myself these past few weeks. I pounded depths I never though possible. I had to smile, convince people and especially myself that I will be okay. Not fine, because that would be so swell already. At least okay.

************************************

My Facebook status says " I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." I am thinking now how much this is true. It hurted to my very core. It hurted up to the point where I am taking a chance to be happy with someone else.

A friend of mine asked me reasons why I kept fighting even despite of it all. Its not about just foundation, nor history. The years might have added to the factor, but sometimes, its the good memories, the dreams you built together, the comfort that you felt and the love that you built so much in your heart that matter. Sometimes, all these reasons are enough for you to go on. In spite of the hurt and the rejection.

Maybe someday, everything will be better. Maybe...

Are Diamonds Really A Girl's Best Friend?

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 22:53:00 +0000

I beg to disagree. hahaha!

Karch's are shoes. When I was telling her about my dilemma, she urged me to buy shoes. Shoes dont make you feel fat when you get the right size. They will make you feel tall if you feel short. It can kill you, but you can also make it work with the perfect fit.

Mine are books. I just cant live without them. You cant see me going out of town and not reading one on a long ride. My Mom used to lock my books when my grades got low and I worked hard in earning them back again. Though I managed to see where she hid them, you know where its like in a museum, and you see this very valuable piece of thing and you want to get it but it entails a great deal to do so, that's what I felt at that moment. hehehe.

*******************************

I miss meeting my friends. I missed Karch and Jops. I wanted to meet Jonnah again since we last saw each other during Christmas season. And its what? Christmas is nearing again. :P

My friends are the loves of my life for now. They make my world go round. They all understood what I was going through. They were very open-minded to my issues even though I am stubborn most of the time. They were mad at what was happening, but not to the point that they would kill someone. I'm just glad that it is finally over. That I can go back to smiling again.

As for him, I trust that he will make the right decision. Because he never lets me down. That it was a phase for both of us to learn, and go back to plan more about the future. Our future together.

I had quite a bump, but my diamonds were there in my every step. Thank you BFFs! :)

When All I Have is Hope..

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:14:00 +0000

I learned to believe.

I learned that guys in books are better, but are not real. Most happy endings are found in what I read, but real endings are much better because they make you learn the hard way. Though bittersweet, you can be proud that you worked hard for it. That you made the storm pass without letting yourself down. And the aftermath will make you a better person. It will make you go places you never thought possible. And it can help you have faith even in a tiny flicker of light. Or in my case, a butterfly that's been hanging around my room the other day. :)

Yesterday, the thorn that's been pricking my heart has finally lightened its way. I am unsure if it will take a long time to finally heal, but I needed it to. Because I believe that God still paved way for me to understand everything that's been missing in my life. I now wanted to face the real world. I've been a brat for too long, so now I know better. I also learned how to listen now. That no matter how hurt I am, I am still responsible for my actions. Tama si Miss Che, that we have gone a long way, I dont have the right to assassinate everything because of how I feel for now. That someday, I might regret the things that I said during that spur of a moment. :)

On a lighter note, will be doing something special over the weekend. Something Ive always wanted to do, but didnt have the time to. Sabi nga ni Karen, corporal works of mercy, but really, I needed to do this because I have always been blessed at home, at work, and most of all in my life. That no matter how I'm having problems now, I am still lucky. And I am still loved. By God and by my friends.

Speaking of friends, I'm very very thankful that I can lean on them in times like these. I feel really pampered. :) Special mention to Karch, whom I know I can dwell by problems with, as I do with hers. To JM, who never turned his back on me even though Ive hurt him before. Also to Cris, whom I never thought could be a friend, but I was wrong. My bestfriend Mercie can be busy with her kids, but she never fails to share her shoulder when I cry. To Jeuel and Chie, Menchie, whom have been my pillars through the pain. And basically to everyone I forgot to say. Your outpour of concerns made me realize that I have all the love in this world and nothing can change that happy feeling.

Hopefully, this will be better. Because I hope. And I believe in hoping for the best. :)

Facing My Fears

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:41:00 +0000

I have always been afraid.

I have always been terrified on braving new sights, unusual taste, marking my territory and defeated by change.

But now, I hope to see it all as a challenge. A test for me to be patient enough to myself. I have to brave things alone because that's how its supposed to be from now on. I have to take care of myself, pay the bills myself, navigate to my destination myself. And I have got to love me first.

Jayem told me last night that I could only get to my destination if I allow myself to be surrounded by friends and family. Do things I wanna do that I cannot do before I was with the person I loved for three years. Yes, the three years have been magical but the honeymoon stage has ended. I never thought it was, but then again, it was bound to end eventually.

I loved him to the very last fiber of my being. So its only fitting to say goodbye in the best way possible. But again, he didnt do the usual goodbye. He became a coward breaking up thru messages that I could only play over and over in my head. The worst part is? Even in the end, it was never meant to be easy.

Our relationship has been flighty. Were not the usual hide and seek couple that I always have. I didnt have to lie to my parents if we were seeing each other. It took time though, to tell them that were together, but I always knew they'd welcome him with open arms because he is their godson. I never had doubts about that. Everytime we go out, they all feel safe because Im with him. They always know that he's rescue me from all the bad guys in this world because they trusted him to be with their only daughter.

We never knew what will happen. We never knew that he would go astray. We never really knew.

I had faith in him. Faith that he wouldnt break their trust to him. Faith that when he said forever and ever, he meant the exact words.

Today, I cannot wallow in my pain anymore. There's a usual tear in my eye here and there, but I cannot cry anymore. My pain has gone so far that I cannot fathom to do waterworks because I have to face my life and fears from now on. Maybe alone, or maybe with some other guy, but I know I have to do this. I have all the friends in the world to prove that they will support me. As quoted by Mench "Gurl, naumpog ka na eh, nawalan ka na ng helmet, youre stronger than that. You will move on because you wanted to and maybe someone will love you as he sees your true worth".

And by faith, I know I'll be happy again. Because I'm better now. Sadly, when I got better, it wouldnt be with someone na pinilit kong magpaka-better. The new person I will love will get the best of Ria. With no strings, and no confusions in her mind. Well, good for that person. hehe.

And yes, I will be happy. Because I do deserve it. :)

Ive Got A Feeling!

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 07:20:00 +0000

That tonight's gonna be a good good night. :)

Ive decided to embrace my destiny. No more drama, no more crying. I have to move forward and not let a simple text scare me away from it. I will try not to be stupid anymore, if my heart permits me to be. I dont want to waste my life anymore because I have to start NOW. :)

This book, THE SECRET changed how I think now. I now know how much I really worth. That if I really believe in the law of attraction, I would be able to get what I deserve. And so far, I am beginning to. It actually doesnt have to be rocket science. And besides, it dawned to me that only I have the power to take away the negative things in my life.

My favorite quote in the book is "Gratitude is a powerful process for shifting your energy and bringing more of what you want into your life. Be grateful for what you already have, and you will attract more good things." You see, I accept everything that's happening in my life now as a challenge. A challenge for me to move and get myself the uncomplicated life I'm in now. Because I deserve the best things in life. I deserve to be loved by a person who knows what he really wants. I will build my future with someone who has actually the balls to choose how he wants to live, the good or the bad.

And please, no more stress. Ive had enough already. I cannot take the blaming part anymore because Ive given all of me. The question now is, will you be willing to start anew? Because I am, and I will have it. :)

Hope everyone gets their own power to see the law of attraction too.

Can I Just Die Now?

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:25:00 +0000

Lord, please tama na.

You know that I never lied, cheated, disgraced your name. But killing me softly and torture by the one I loved the most is the most painful thing on Earth. I dont deserve this. If I see someone who has been through everything I'm encountering now, I would tell her to stop loving and start living. I would tell her that she deserves someone who could define her relationship or tell her how he strongly feel about her.

NOT.LIKE.THIS.

I cannot beg any longer. I cannot be blind no more. I wanna give up but I dont want to tolerate the wrong. I wanted revenge but you know that it isnt really my nature. I want to stab my heart into pieces so it wouldnt beat so strongly anymore. As Ninya defined, suicide is the best option. Quick and painful, meaning a separation. Instead of torture, that I continue to wait but knowing in my heart that I have been stabbed a million times.

Im not okay. Im a captive in my own misery. I chose to put myself in the situation even though I know Im not worth being there. I excused my actions because I wanna prove Im not immature, but Im hurting. Im irrational as hell. I am mourning for someone who doesnt even deserve my love.

I can only take so much. And I can only give so less. I wanna be happy again. I want to see my life to be living. I want to be there when you realized that I can give you your happiness, but I am exhausted. I am weakening. And I can no longer breathe. :(

Road to Redemption

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 11:16:00 +0000

I'm paving my way to be happy again. Not with a guy, but with the people I love the most, my family and friends. :)

I have been in a rollercoaster turmoil this past few weeks that I had to stoop myself low and redefine who I am and what really is in me. When I thought I was stupid, they are the ones who gladly tell you that your stupidity is caused because of your good heart. When I say I'm so blind, they tell you that its because your eyes sparkle so bright that you cannot see what's in front of you. Yes, they sugarcoat everything, but despite it all, they made me stronger. They made me a better Ria. And they loved me more than I could ever love myself.

They may come from very different age groups, but they are all my life now. I never really realized how beautiful it is to wake up each morning and know that there are people in this world who could mean much even though you are not defined by blood. They are soul sisters, and I wouldnt have it any other way. :)

So to all of you, I know that this will still be a long journey. I may make hasty decisions now, but I know youre there to pick me up and pounce me in head and bring me back to reality. Now I feel like Serena tuloy, even though I fought like Blair. hehehe.

*******************************

Typhoon Ondoy left a big aching mark in our country. It never thought to leave us with so much properties. But again, it gave the Filipinos hope. The hope to be united again. The hope to pick up the pieces and start again. The flicker of light that says Filipinos love each other no matter how brutal this world is.

And maybe God wanted us to be better people, He has a purpose in everything anyhow. :)

But I'm praying for those who are battered by the disaster. I hope that they may heal in time and may the souls of the departed rest in peace.

One simple prayer is enough. So let us offer one now. :)

XOXO

He is..

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 02:53:00 +0000

He is my song. My melodies could be out of tune without him. Every love song I hum, every lyric I utter, it came from the heart that binded us together.

He is my world. I was never willing to share anyone in it before he came. I never let anyone enter because my world is considered my home. Where I know I could rest and be contented. He rocked it with a simple hello, and I let him because I know he is worthy.

He is my family. Even as a kid, I used to see him. I've always thought we'll end up not just flower girl and ring bearer. I always knew I'd say yes in front of it. I always knew that God blessed the first time we walked together when were kids. He is my family, and he knew how much family meant for me.

He is my heart. It never stopped beating for him. Even in separation, my heart beats loudly everytime a simple thing in his life happens. Everytime I sense chaos, it pounds like hell. He is my heart, and it defines everything I feel. It defines us.

I am staying, because I'm loving. I am strong because I believe in the sense of it. I am waiting, because the roads have paved the ways for us before.

He is my everything, and I need my everything. Especially in this life of melancholy.

Of Love Not Letting Go.

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:27:00 +0000

I came across this image at tumblr.com today. And it completely defines me. I just know it does.

I have been from a pampered family. I was never hungry nor given what is less. I never really worked for anything that's so hard while I was growing up. Except for love. I have been hurt for so many times, but never did I regret losing those love, because I have always thought that something or someone better will come to me.

And luckily, it did. To the person that I could say I'm at ease the most. Where pretentions did not exist. And happy endings are always memorable. Until today.

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Somehow, I just hope that this gets to you. I hope you know that I'm fighting nail and tooth because I wanted US badly. I cannot wake up everyday thinking what might have been and not getting your good morning messages. Even watching the most boring movie is still fun because you are there to mock it with me. Going faraway places isnt exactly a happy trip when youre not there holding my hand during an airplane ride or a bumpy road.

Yes, I am pampered. And he continued pampering me.

But today, I think its my time to do everything I could to make him not feel any more less. Because he is by far the most wonderful thing that happened to me. I might be stupid for breaking the laws but I have defied fire and hell just so I could have that love back.

Someone asked me, FOR THE THINGS THAT HE'S DOING TO ME TODAY, IS HE EVEN WORTH IT? I told her that ignoring me and snubbing me is painful, but he's worth all the pain in this world. Happiness cannot be defined without him smiling in front of me. May it be when we were just three years old when I found out that I had a crush on him, or during the time we talked during his sister's wedding and saw OUR fireworks, so I will risk everything, just to be with him again.

After all, he was the one who said that "if you love a person, you'd never be willing to let her go because you would want to spend your forever and ever with her".

And so I am standing by that promise. :)

Yes, If Only

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 09:36:00 +0000

Everytime I watch the film If Only, I could only relate to Jennifer Love Hewitt's (Samantha) character. Only now did I realize that I'm not like her at all. Im more of Paul Nicholls' (Ian) persona.

I always whine and complain of my life when I shouldnt. Why? Because far more people needed attention than myself. Some people deserves to be heard and appreciated for you might lose them one day.

Ian Wyndham realized that when Samantha died of a car accident. No matter how the taxi driver tried telling him to appreciate her and love her, he just did what he thought he should do, but left Samantha leaving him. Ian got another chance of proving Samantha how he loved her. And truly appreciate her. Of course, his clock was ticking (or rather it stopped), but he knew that instant that even if Samantha's going to die, he will do his best to spend the remaining hours with her.

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I am no Ian Wyndham. Because I am me. I wanted to be better and do not want the risk of making the person I love that he is special on his final hours. My best friend talked to me today and made me realize that I was loving him the wrong way. I got selfish and it ended me here. Alone. I never thought to appreciate what I have because I looked at myself with so much pride that it made me again, alone. I didnt see what was in front of me. I didnt see that anyone is capable of giving up everything just to make me happy. And I didnt see that he would be in so much pain because he doesnt want to hurt me and my big ego.

If I would only be given a chance, I would turn the world around, and just believe in whatever he says. I would not prod myself with too much pride and try to listen to his heartache. I shouldve known that he will get tired.

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Yes, I am freaking stupid to let something this good just go to waste. But somehow, I just wish that I could bring back all the happiness Ive given for the past years. Our world when no one else matters and how a little thing could make him smile.

Ive learned and loved. I am still, loving. Because no one could erase that. I could be greater than Ian Wyndham if only he allows me to. Only then, if he allows me to...

Ironies of the Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:07:00 +0000

Those who cheat get away from their cheating, while the people who tries to nurture and care for their relationships gets a whopping swoop to the head.

I can still remember the first day I wanted to blog. Because I needed to vent out about this boy that I hate. I hated him because I had the longest one-month relationship with him. I experienced a whirlwind of emotions, happiness, sadness, and you know all the euphoria of being in love. But then he had to take his space and forgot about me, the one who did all the defending on why he needed space, on how he should be taking his studies seriously and couldnt be responsible of me at the moment.

And then I moved on, I figured, if he was really for me, then the Supreme Being will cast his spell on him and make him fall in love with me again.

After four years, he did.

After four years of breaking up with a current boyfriend so we could date, passing up a potential suitor so we could be together, the forces of nature acted by letting a snatcher take my whole bag and made me email everyone on my fonebook, including HIM.

He was the one who brighten up my days (no pun intended). He made sure I get home safe even if our houses were on very different locations. He waves the white flag whenever I am on red alert. He puts up with all of my childishness and foolishness. He LOVED me. And so did I.

But approximately 40 months, he stopped. Was it my fault? Partly. Did I do everything to get him back, I think I did. Did I begged him to reconsider? Yep, my sources and the magic 8 ball says so.

In light of the situation, if you would ask me, I am still hopeful. Hopeful of the fact that when he said forever and ever, it is indeed, forever and ever. It pains my heart to explain, even to myself why it happened. Tita says, suicide is still not an option, nor the large rugby he bought for me last time I ruined my shoes. I am hopeful, because I feel that his dad wanted me to be part of their family when a butterfly visited me after his death. I am hopeful, because I am stronger than Samson, even with an odd haircut. I am hopeful because I bring luck to my life.

If everything fails, I know someone up there who will nudge him to take me back. Or wake someone who will last the real forever and ever.

Until then, I'm keeping my heart. And stitching the wounds first. After all, four years is a long wait. And I'm still sane, still me, and painfully smiling. :P

Zoom, zoom!

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 04:58:00 +0000

Ive been buzzing in and out of the office. Nezt week, I'll be going to Lipa for the Sales Activity that we've been planning for weeks. It is my first major project and it CANNOT screw up. I'd be damned if I did.

Filipinos in the province are so funny. Last time Ive been in Batangas, we had to see this guy who rents their tents for our car display. The woman pointed us "dyan lang yun, paglagpas ng Iglesia ni Cristo". We were supposed to walk going there, but we have our own service car and believe me, the area was so far. But we love our own people, no matter how wacky they are. :P

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Speaking of the Lipa gig, this will be my first time to be alone in a hotel room. Yeah, it will be weird. Dimple insisted that I should bring a laptop. And I borrowed Hon's PSP so I'm kinda set already. :)

I'm hoping that the 3-day event be successful. And no more rain please. A car show should be sunny and preppy. So I'm praying really hard that it'll not rain. Or at least just be cloudy. After all, the proceeds of the event will be given to the San Sebastian Cathedral, so I hope it'll be swell.

Have to go now. Will be watching "I Love You Beth Cooper" while I'm still here in Manila. Zooming at you soon again.

Merry, Happy Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:25:00 +0000

Drip, Drop. Rain is falling again. It's September 4 and a typhoon is coming. Yep, story of my life. This and the other 23 birthdays that I had in the past. I really can't understand why I hate the rain eventhough it has always been a part of my existence. Mom kissed and greeted me earlier, then said, "It's raining again, right on time".

Got home at ten pm because Hon and I had an early celebration of my birthday at Bonifacio High Street. Since we got back together, I would always take a leave on my birthday, except today. Probationary sucks. But I'll be spending time with my lovely officemates anyway so I have no qualms over that. And besides, I have tons of work. Hon got me two Gossip Girl books, so I only have to buy the last one. Yay!

I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a birthday luck, but it definitely rubbed on me tonight. The usual traffic at Buendia is gone, going to Serendra is a breeze and it hadn't rained on me until were in Fridays. And yes, wi-fi is such a necessity. :P

Speaking of my office, I feel so spoiled. You know the little things that make you smile, our HR department tickled me in a good way. Kuya Jerry, our messenger, handed me an envelope with a Happy Birthday card inside. Yes, so much for being so mababaw.

So my wishes for another year, a really good health, a stable career, a more patience for my partner and for my family to be blissful.

Logging off now. Long day later. :)

September Fever!

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 10:36:00 +0000

In a few more hours, it'll be September already! Yay!

Yup, no matter how many bad memories these past few days and this year happened, I am still hoping for a lot of changes at the last quarter of all these. And as September approaches, I'm feeling upright on things to come. :)

This coming month might be one of those that I have many friends celebrating their birthdays. And relatives too, if I may add. I had special and not so special birthdays before, and no matter how that day might just pass on me, I am excited to be twenty-four. I dont know how to make it seem luckier, but the fact that my family is complete, my boyfriend loves me still, despite the fact that I am more of a pain in the ass, and my friends are there for me, is enough proof that I am born lucky.

September also marks my fifth month in my job. And believe me, its getting more interesting. :) Its like I'm yielded with all the good stuff so far. And I'll be nearing regularization. So there, more reason to stay positive.

Lastly, September means Gossip Girl's Season Three. (^_______________^)

...Happy Birthday Ri! XOXO.

Love Balloons

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 13:42:00 +0000

How on earth could this be possible?!?

Up is probably the first animated movie that made me cry so hard, just in the first twenty minutes already. The story is about Carl, a 78-year old man who wanted to fulfill the greatest adventure of his life, as he promised Ellie, his wife. Their love story, started when they were kids, so I could very well relate. :P

Hon said that Ellie and I were similar. Probably because Ellie bullies Carl and makes him promise everything and insists him of fulfilling his promise. But they're so cute, and he loves her so much that he made everything Ellie wished for. Next to the Time Traveler's Wife and Harry Potter, this is one of the films that I really enjoyed. The plot is simple, yet ironic at times (especially how he could possibly carried the house! :P). The graphics are the best. Now I wish I shouldve watched in 3D. hahaha.

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Birthday week coming up in a few weeks! I'm so excited to turn twenty four. Well, Ive always been excited of my birthdays anyhow. hahaha. But you know, it is special, and it gives me a reason to actually celebrate. :)

Jops, Karch and Ria, after seven years. :)

Speaking of celebration, I met up with Karch and Jops last Monday. I must say that I've really missed those two. Makes you wanna think about college again. And I'm just glad that I've met amazing people during UST days. Never mind the bad seeds, but the crowd that I've been with makes everything worth it. And I will never forget it for the longest time.

Next meeting will probably be after our birthdays, guys included na. Now I'm excited for that. hahaha.

Have to go sleep now. Goodnight y'all! :)

Tomorrow is boring again..

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 09:18:00 +0000

Ive been home the whole day yesterday when its supposed to be Ninoy's Day. I wanted to clean my room and get rid of the unnecessary stuffs but I managed to curl up in bed and read The Time Traveler's Wife instead. Somehow, the movie made so much sense after reading the book. Like the movie, it made me cry buckets again. Dont fret, its perfectly normal for me. hehehe.

Today, I had to wake up so early to pay my brother's tuition fee at their school. BAD IDEA. I didnt know that the flood over Metro Manila has gone insane. So anyway, I had to go through the flood thing. I had a solid plan that actually worked for me to get to Point A until I reached City Hall. The only good part, the underpass isnt soaked, so I had a little help there getting to Lyceum in time for me to fall in line. If I had only known, I would've refused immediately. Its better to stay in bed again and watch The Hangover or do Gilmore Girls reruns again. Good thing I dont have ice cream with me or else you'd think I was pining for someone.

And yeah, all that boredom was caused by my boyfriend going to Davao. I don't know, this must be his second trip out of town without me, since we got together. It feels weird not to have an automatic date on a weekend. Now I know how my Mom must have felt everytime my Dad leaves for work in abroad.

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Anyhow, Hon and I went to Market!Market! last Thursday to see The Time Traveler's Wife. After the movie, his jacket sleeve was so soaked with tears. My tears. I never cried that much since If Only. The fact that Clare could get a normal guy instead of someone who disappears now and then, is heartbreaking already. Rachel Mcadams continue to be very good in all her films. Eric Bana is such an eyefest. :P

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Have to go for now and spend the rest of my "vacation", at home. hahahah. Yes, ironic.

Ciao for now! :)

Worming around the Metro!

noreply@blogger.com (Ria Hazel) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 03:46:00 +0000

I am a certified bookworm.

What started with Sweet Valley Books have been replaced by novels by Sparks, Brown, Rowling, Niffenegger, Coelho, etcetera and even by chicklit writers like Kinsella and Cabot. I love buying books. I love going to thrift bookstores to compare prices of books to major bookstores nationwide. I am even guilty of buying a book before it is turned to a movie then compare and contrast the two.

And this goes by saying that September is my favorite month. Not just because my birthday falls at the exact month, but it gives me an excuse to ogle at books one more time and score great sales at that.

The Manila International Book Fair is celebrating their 30th year. Yay! And exhibit days will be held on September 16-20, 2009 at SMX Convention Center, Mall of Asia Complex, Pasay City. Large and small scale bookstores will join the event and I'm just so psyched to find books that Ive been long wanting to buy in a much lower price. Yes, that would be the best birthday gift too. :)

Ive been attending the event for the past two or three years, and it never really failed me. I had nifty finds, both local and foreign authors and they also have book launches and reviews once in a while. :)

See you all there fellow booklovers! :)