Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Yes, If Only

Everytime I watch the film If Only, I could only relate to Jennifer Love Hewitt's (Samantha) character. Only now did I realize that I'm not like her at all. Im more of Paul Nicholls' (Ian) persona.

I always whine and complain of my life when I shouldnt. Why? Because far more people needed attention than myself. Some people deserves to be heard and appreciated for you might lose them one day.

Ian Wyndham realized that when Samantha died of a car accident. No matter how the taxi driver tried telling him to appreciate her and love her, he just did what he thought he should do, but left Samantha leaving him. Ian got another chance of proving Samantha how he loved her. And truly appreciate her. Of course, his clock was ticking (or rather it stopped), but he knew that instant that even if Samantha's going to die, he will do his best to spend the remaining hours with her.

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I am no Ian Wyndham. Because I am me. I wanted to be better and do not want the risk of making the person I love that he is special on his final hours. My best friend talked to me today and made me realize that I was loving him the wrong way. I got selfish and it ended me here. Alone. I never thought to appreciate what I have because I looked at myself with so much pride that it made me again, alone. I didnt see what was in front of me. I didnt see that anyone is capable of giving up everything just to make me happy. And I didnt see that he would be in so much pain because he doesnt want to hurt me and my big ego.

If I would only be given a chance, I would turn the world around, and just believe in whatever he says. I would not prod myself with too much pride and try to listen to his heartache. I shouldve known that he will get tired.

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Yes, I am freaking stupid to let something this good just go to waste. But somehow, I just wish that I could bring back all the happiness Ive given for the past years. Our world when no one else matters and how a little thing could make him smile.

Ive learned and loved. I am still, loving. Because no one could erase that. I could be greater than Ian Wyndham if only he allows me to. Only then, if he allows me to...

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