Friday, July 06, 2007

Even In Subconscious Ways,The Pain Haunts Me...

I dreamt something last night.

"God saw me crying and asked why feel sad. I replied, Lord, I'm through with my pain. But I could not erase the memory for it lingers everytime it flashes my mind. My heart is breaking, my soul feels shattered. And maybe you could help me drive away the sorrows.

He said, "I would make a deal. If anyone makes you cry or gives you pain, with or without you knowing it, then they will experience ten times of it. Just promise that you will be strong whenever they crush you, because there, you will see your worth. You will see that no one could ever take you away but Me, and the person who asks you for me takes great responsibility because you are my child and in no way should that person try to bring you pain."

And then He left me, with a question in my mind.

If that was real, should I accept it? Will it ease my mind knowing that God will do the punishing when I know that the people I love will experience ten times of my pain? And if it ever happen, that he experiences pain, will I still continue knowing that the people I love suffers because I made the deal?

Life is a mystery indeed. Maybe someday, I could learn to understand how to forgive myself and be back in the nook.

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Met Brenti last night for a night talk or something like that. It feels good to know that I still have a friend after college. Just that, I could talk to most of them, but Brent is different. Its like spending four years together and not giving up on our friendship. I miss our other friends.

Back to Brent, he says that he;ll be going overseas. Aww.. I'm gonna miss him for two years. And it makes me so sad that it'll mean less meet-ups and conversations. So we are trying to make our meet-ups a once or twice a month thing. Well, if both of us aren't that busy.

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Have to go. Work again. tomorrow will finally be rest.

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